Post by Hallie on Oct 27, 2005 4:07:17 GMT -5
I'm rather torn on this one. I'm not certain if it truly is a dream or a nightmare. You can try and analyze it if you wish, but I doubt it will get anywhere.
For the last few months, I've been having the same dream.... and when I wake, the dream is always with me... always there.
I used to be a surgical technologist. When you're a scrub tech, you end up with things in your pockets that shouldn't be there. Sometimes you'll find unopened suture packs, knife blades, ties, needles... all sorts of things. Well, I have a little bag of things that I meant to take back to the hospital but never got around to.
I also have a collection of daggers and knives. They range from boot knives, skinning knives, to just ornamental and ceremonial daggers.
Well, the dream starts off with me thinking about all of the bad things that have happened in my life... My son's autism, being raped, hurting my son... everything... it all floods my mind at once until I hurt and ache so badly that I can't see straight. Then I grab my knives and the bag of hospital items and sit on my bed. After careful examination of them all, I pull out some of the needles, larger guage ones, and a scalpel blade and put the rest up. Then, I just start piercing parts of my body starting from my ears, then my lip, then the webbing between my thumb and forefinger, then just random parts of my stomach and thighs. Then, when I grow tired of the needle, I begin slitting my left wrist slowly, always from side to side. When there are about 5 slashes, always showing the fat cells underneath the skin, I stretch my arm out and place the knife at the center of my elbow and start it biting into the skin there... and that's when I wake up.
I've been told its a dream because I wake up instead of dieing. But, I think its a nightmare because I keep living through the pain, but never find release.
and yes... I have since gotten rid of the bag of stuff by taking it to a hospital and disposing it in one of those bio-hazard sharps containers... so now I have just my ceremonial knives... but I still dream about the bag of goodies...
For the last few months, I've been having the same dream.... and when I wake, the dream is always with me... always there.
I used to be a surgical technologist. When you're a scrub tech, you end up with things in your pockets that shouldn't be there. Sometimes you'll find unopened suture packs, knife blades, ties, needles... all sorts of things. Well, I have a little bag of things that I meant to take back to the hospital but never got around to.
I also have a collection of daggers and knives. They range from boot knives, skinning knives, to just ornamental and ceremonial daggers.
Well, the dream starts off with me thinking about all of the bad things that have happened in my life... My son's autism, being raped, hurting my son... everything... it all floods my mind at once until I hurt and ache so badly that I can't see straight. Then I grab my knives and the bag of hospital items and sit on my bed. After careful examination of them all, I pull out some of the needles, larger guage ones, and a scalpel blade and put the rest up. Then, I just start piercing parts of my body starting from my ears, then my lip, then the webbing between my thumb and forefinger, then just random parts of my stomach and thighs. Then, when I grow tired of the needle, I begin slitting my left wrist slowly, always from side to side. When there are about 5 slashes, always showing the fat cells underneath the skin, I stretch my arm out and place the knife at the center of my elbow and start it biting into the skin there... and that's when I wake up.
I've been told its a dream because I wake up instead of dieing. But, I think its a nightmare because I keep living through the pain, but never find release.
and yes... I have since gotten rid of the bag of stuff by taking it to a hospital and disposing it in one of those bio-hazard sharps containers... so now I have just my ceremonial knives... but I still dream about the bag of goodies...
