What Kind of Choice is That?

[Emilia]

Well, I'm not much of an advice asking person... but I've got something I could really use some help on.... *sighs*

About a month ago I decided I'd clean the house, and well, my mom has her own personal junk table.. well, being me I decided to organize it... that was when I found a paper from her doctor... and being me, I read the first couple lines... and nearly lost it right then and there. I didn't say anything to my older sister, 19, or younger brother, 15. Instead I talked to my mom first...

What the paper said was that she has lymphoma... a type of cancer... and that it's incurable.. and inoperable. She has 5-7years left, if she quits smoking and takes Chemo, she has 3-4 years if she just quits smoking, she has 2-3 years if she takes chemo but doesn't quit smoking, and she has 6 months to 2 years if she continues to smoke and doesn't do chemo.

Well, I asked my mom when she was going to tell us and she said we wouldn't have known until it was all over. I asked her if she was going to tell my sister and brother now that I knew... she said no... and here's her reasoning... Eva, my sister, would pretty much make her do the Chemo... and she said she doesn't wanna be like my gamma who did chemo and could walk, or go to the bathroom.. and why she isn't telling Scott, my little brother, is because she wants him to grow up happy.

There's nothing I have said to her so far that have worked on getting her to tall them, even if it's when she only has two months left. I don't know what to do, or what to say even... I need help! Please...

I'm just kinda afraid it'll land me back in the hospital... since it's just another thing to bottle up.

[Pixie]

that is always a hard thing......and now you are caught in the middle...I believe your brother and sister should be told-but that it is up to your mother to do so unless it reaches a point where she cannot...it is sort of what is happening with my sister's friend with the brain tumor-the first time they operated on him they told their 12 year old son and my niece and nephews........this time they are not saying anything...at least not until I suppose there is something more definite to tell them-all I can say is I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers and I am almost always floating around in some way if you ever need to talk

[Gibby]

Emilia, that is a hard situation to be in, and I'm sorry. Perhaps your mom hasn't said anything because she doesn't quite know yet what she is going to do.

I know I would be torn if I had found that out about myself. I would not want to tell anyone because I wouldn't want people to treat me differently or be sad, but then on the other hand, I would want to tell people because I would want them to understand, as well as I wouldn't want to go through that alone.

I would try talking to your mom and telling her that it's not fair to your brother and sister that they don't know, as well as not fair to you, that you can't talk about it with anyone because you know and they don't. You mentioned that your mom didn't want to tell your brother because she wanted him to grow up happy. Well, maybe you could try telling her, that it wouldn't make him happy knowing that she knew, and you knew, and didn't tell him. Especially if she is not taking either option. ~shrugs~ I'm not really sure what else to say. I'll think about it and report back.
~hugs~

[Emilia]

Thanks Guys, I mean, I'm trying to talk to her but someone is almost always around... so in the next couple days I'm shooing my sister to my cousins and brother to his girlfriends and hopefully I can talk to her without her getting mad..... *sighs* Anyone else with advice PLEASE give it...

*hugs Gibby back*

[Pixie]

well no matter what is done honey we are here for you*hugs*

[Emilia]

Alright, thanks alot guys! *hugs both*

[Serena Serenity]

Yes hun, we are all here for you. She should tell them though because not knowing and finding out to late can leave things unsaid and undone. It can turn out badly for those who don't know which I am guessing could be everyone. *snugs* Whatever happens, we'll be here.

[Emilia]

*cries* Well, We got some bad news!

My mom passed out yesterday, out of nowhere... So we took her to the hospital and was there for damn near <I>17 hours</I> while they ran some tests. Turns out the cancer has spread even farther and they told me and my mom and my older sister that it's completely inoperable... and they know that if they try it'll make it worse! So now my sister knows.. And, well their not giving her 3-5 years any more... even with chemo! They told us she's got till this coming August... Which will make me 18, Eva almost 20, and my little brother Scott... *sniffles* 16! And he doesn't suspect anything... And she doesn't wanna tell him.. She started crying and I told her that she's gonna have to think about who she wants him to be with, she told me not our father because he wouldn't take care of Scotty, not my uncle because he's handi-capped and legally can't do it, And she knows that my sister is kinda unreliable... and she doesn't want scotty to leave town because this is really the only place he's ever known... so that leaves me! And she already knows that I would work my ass off to pay for that boy to get through high school, and college, and make sure he's got everything he needs... even the stuff he doesn't need....

The hardest part is knowing she won't be here for christmas next year...

She says the hardest parts are knowing she wont see her kids get married and have kids.. and that she won't see her baby boy graduate!

The worst part to me is... My gramma died 8 years ago... IN AUGUST!!!!!

So... GOD! I dunno what to do anymore.. I mean I cry all the time, I've gone back to cutting myself... and I have to hide all of this from Scotty.. I can't cry around my mom because this just makes her cry more, and I can't cry around my sister because she just looks at me when I cry and calls me a baby... telling me I need to grow up... and it's so freaking hard!!!!!!!!!!

Help me somehow girls... I dunno what to do anymore!

[Pixie]

*holds her close and strokes her hair* I'm here......I will not lie and tell you that it will be ok because it won't be-but you will go on and learn to live without her-I am going through something similar with a family friend-but you don't need to worry about that-just know that we are here for you whenever you need us-and Isaiah says you are in his thoughts and he is mailing you a letter tomorrow

[Barbed Wire Butterfly]

-She furrowed her brows in thought.-

I know...what you are about to read from me will be upsetting in some way. I know you won't like it and it will seem like I'm a cold hearted. ..well you know what.. but this is all I can do for you.

No. You won't have her for Christmas. No. She won't be around to see your brother graduate. No she won't see her children marry and her grandkids. At least not from here.

There's a song that reminds me of things like this. There's holes in the floor of Heaven hun. and she will be watchin down.

She will be in a better place. Then being somewhere where she should live through constant weakness and suffering.

I know this stings. and I know it hurts....Losing your mom is like losing your last breath of air.

But know that she will be taken care of. And she won't hurt anymore. She will be able to do whatever it is she needs to do.

She will still be there. Even if not. You will remember things from her. You will remember events...

She will live through you and your siblings.

I once again give apologies if this makes you hurt..

[Gibby]

~gives big hugs and offers her shoulder to cry on~ Cry as much as you need hun.

I agree with Twice. She will be out of pain and suffering, and be watching over you from heaven. And I understand that it is hard to comprehend or even accept. But you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm not saying that this would be the case for you, or give you a false sense of hope, but it could be longer than August. My grandma had cancer the size of a football in her stomach. I forget what organ cancer it was,..not the stomach,...but bad,...inoperable...they did not give her much time to live. She under went chemo.. and chemo...and the story is kinda fuzzy cuz this was 7 years ago, and i was only 17 at the time, so i didnt get included on a lot of the talks, etc....but when she was done with chemo...it was completely gone.....and yes, eventually some part of it came back and she pased on, but the point of my story is that we had more time than we thought to cherish with her ( a few years more) and to prepare to say goodbye. So anything is possible. ~hugs~

[Emilia]

*huggles Hachi* Thanks hunny, I'm glad That you guys are here.

TFH- I understand what your saying hun, but my only question is... does a woman who doesn't believe in a heaven.. really go there?
Trust me, you really can't hurt my feelings...

Gibby- Thanks *hugs* And well, you may be right, maybe she will live longer, may be she won't it's all up to what happens and how quickly it worsens.. Thanks a bunch to all of you... I'm gonna go now and see if I can get her to talk to my brother.

[Pixie]

good luck honey*hugs tightly*

[Emilia]

Alright! Well, she told my sister and my brother, my brother cried and said that if anything happens to her before he turns 18 he wants to be with me, and if it happens afterward then he wants to stay in her house... so I'm glad that she told him because at least he knows, and my sister didn't want to believe it, she kinda put herself into denial..

She's happy that she told the two of them because now she's not completly alone.