Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Nov 2, 2005 0:56:51 GMT -5
I sit here crying and growing cold inside.....I am tempted to once more just cyber with someone so I can pretend that someone wants to be with me for a little while....I am tempted to let them be rough almost to the point of where it would be abusive if it was real and to push me to do things that I know I would not do in real life because it sickens me....I don't know how to stop this......and I am afraid that I may just continue this behaviour if I ever meet someone in person-let them abuse me just so I will be wanted and not alone*shrugs and slips away alone and scared*
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Hallie
Starbound Butterfly
Life's Oxymoron
Posts: 205
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Post by Hallie on Nov 2, 2005 3:48:18 GMT -5
*Hugs you tight* Hunnie, I know you feel alone, and I know how bad that can feel. I'm sorry you have to go through this. But you can't allow someone to abuse you just because you want to feel wanted. That's not being fair to you, nor is it being fair to the guy who's out there somewhere waiting to love you.
I know its hard, and I understand what you're going through... I used to do the same thing, but in real life, as well as in Cyber. Don't do that to yourself, hunnie... because its not fun and they don't really love you, they just love seeing how much torture you'll take before you give up. I finally had to quit both for awhile just so I could feel human again...
*Frowns* Ya know, we need to pool our resources and buy our own little community so that we can all live less than a block away from each other. Then none of us will ever be alone and we can smack each other's hands when we get caught up in out bad habits again...
*Snuggles* Well darling, just know that I'm thinking about you and that I'm with you as much as I can be (being about 6 states away.) You take care and just hold on... things will get better. At least that what you guys all keep telling me... *Grins*
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Tonight
Nov 2, 2005 15:22:26 GMT -5
Post by Pixie on Nov 2, 2005 15:22:26 GMT -5
I am sure it didn't help that my best friend is going to where she has no phone or internet access either..I know she is better off there but it leaves me feeling even more lost......and unwanted
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crowsrlaughin
Starbound Butterfly
.Welcome to the Machine.
Posts: 155
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Tonight
Nov 3, 2005 14:56:18 GMT -5
Post by crowsrlaughin on Nov 3, 2005 14:56:18 GMT -5
*hugs you* Don't say that please. I can't stand woman who let themselves get physically or mentally abused because they love someone, when they don't love you very much if they wan't to be so rough. I'll admit some things are fun, but to hurt someone is not. I understand what your going through and how you feel. But you are important and there are lots of people who love you, sometimes we can't open our eyes to see it.
Don't grow cold or numb inside, a nice person like you shouldn't feel so dead inside. If you need anyone to talk to and you have any messangers, I'll be more than happy to.
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Tonight
Nov 3, 2005 16:56:25 GMT -5
Post by Pixie on Nov 3, 2005 16:56:25 GMT -5
no one has ever done something so sweet for me before-I keep coming back to look at it and try not to cry......I do not know how to thank you....and my messengers are on my profile if you ever want to talk to me..that is why they are there*hugs tightly*
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crowsrlaughin
Starbound Butterfly
.Welcome to the Machine.
Posts: 155
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Tonight
Nov 3, 2005 17:54:19 GMT -5
Post by crowsrlaughin on Nov 3, 2005 17:54:19 GMT -5
Your welcome and most deserving hon. :] I hope it gives you a bit of comfort at the least. I'm glad you like it. *hugs*
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Tonight
Nov 3, 2005 18:08:30 GMT -5
Post by Pixie on Nov 3, 2005 18:08:30 GMT -5
I am still awe struck and I love it very very much*hugs tightly*
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Tonight
Nov 7, 2005 22:51:24 GMT -5
Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 7, 2005 22:51:24 GMT -5
Baby girl, you are amazing and don't ever let anyone do that to you. You deserve so much better. I can feel your pain hun, because of who I am and because I know what your going through. I won't get into me though because this is about you. You already know anyhow, it's in my lj. I'm sure you've read it. Anyhow, we all love and cherish you. I have you on MSN if you ever need me. *snuggles bunches*
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Nov 8, 2005 1:56:36 GMT -5
the negative behaviour has stopped somewhat-and I think I have alienated a lot of people because of it-and yet I am still crying every night because I sit alone with very few people that wish to talk to me-and being ignored when I try to RP.....*shrugs* I really have to learn to accept that I am meant to be alone and stop fighting it-
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Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 8, 2005 2:08:28 GMT -5
Baby girl, you are not alone. I'm right here with you.......... in Nevada. I'm here if you ever have need of me. Always hun. No matter what. I love ya hun dearly and want you to be happy. So reach out for it. Open up and let us all see you. Cause we all already know your beautiful. Now all we have to do is get you to see it.
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Dec 2, 2005 0:24:52 GMT -5
tonight I sit once again feeling completely stupid and alone......lately I have been very overstressed at work as I learn a new aspect of my job-almost as if I am being retrained in a completely new job and starting over....all I want is to be able to go somewhere and find some RP....but because I want to be in character all the time and I am not a fighter or a strong willed character I am either ignored or made to feel like I am unwelcome and stupid-and not just my character but me.....I have stopped trying to figure out how to RP something that is not me-so all my characters are similar to me in some form....and when I am told that I need to be stronger-I need to be crueler-I need to stop believing in love...it hurts because those same statements make me feel like I am the one that is a disappointment-so I sit and cry....and withdraw more and more into myself...not that many notice-not that many will probably read this...but I need to find a way to work out the stress before it destroys me.....
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Tonight
Dec 2, 2005 23:55:43 GMT -5
Post by Gibby on Dec 2, 2005 23:55:43 GMT -5
~huggles Pix~
Don't think like that Pix. And I definitely do not think that your RP characters, or you for that matter, need to be stronger or crueler, or to stop believing in love. Those are dumb things to tell someone, I think. And besides,...why would anyone want to stop believing in love? We'll find you a way to relieve your stress.
Message me any time you want. I'm usually on in the evenings.
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Dec 3, 2005 1:41:16 GMT -5
I do not have your messengers.....and I sit here alone every night usually any time after 10 eastern....well everyone that does RP with me does nothing but try to change me and my characters*shrugs*
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Tonight
Dec 17, 2005 0:57:18 GMT -5
Post by Serena Serenity on Dec 17, 2005 0:57:18 GMT -5
*snugs* You know I'll always rp with you hunny.
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kindredraven
Fuzzy Caterpillar
"Shadowed eyes in a long forgotten dream"
Posts: 1
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Tonight
Dec 18, 2005 11:12:11 GMT -5
Post by kindredraven on Dec 18, 2005 11:12:11 GMT -5
Sweetheart just remember that you are not alone, as long as I have known you, you have been such a wonderful person that you shouldn’t need to feel so low that you crave for abuse just to know that someone is there. Believe me hunny I did it for years and you will feel more alone in your heart than you every thought possible, beyond which you could ever feel at this moment in time.
You know if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always around, even if I'm busy I will make time for you, I always will.
Always remember no matter how dark the path may seem there will always be a hand to hold, to help you walk the path, each friend is such a hand, we will always be here for you, no matter what....and you know whenever you want to Rp I’m normally around and more than happy to
Love you hun
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Tonight
Dec 18, 2005 15:07:15 GMT -5
Post by Pixie on Dec 18, 2005 15:07:15 GMT -5
well soon I will have no one again as my best friend is leaving again-so I shall be back to sitting alone night after night....I am not the type that feels comfortable asking people to rp.....I am strange-I go to the chat sites and remain ic....and am usually ignored which just makes me feel even worse...but I suppose that is my life....*shrugs and slips back to her corner*
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