Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Oct 28, 2005 3:06:06 GMT -5
I am the oldest of 5 children....was told that I was late from the moment I was born and would be late to my own funeral-and yet after one day discovering the family bible I found out I was only a 7 month baby.....and it helped explain a lot of the resentment my mother had towards me....as if my very existence ruined her life...I was never good enough in her eyes.......I am or used to be much more creative and artistic and used to love to sing but was always told I have no talent...I was stupid.....I was fat.....I was worthless......well I could go on but you get the idea......over the years my mother and I clashed repeatedly and I even ran away at one point-but my youngest brother crying made me return to a house filled with much abuse-very little physical that could be proven or would be thought of at that time.......but much emotional and psychological abuse took place-as time went on I learned that both my parents were children of alcoholics....which in an Irish family is not necessarily unheard of....all 4 of my grandparents had alcohol issues.....and it affected how my parents dealt with things...and how they raised us....I very rarely heard any positive comments about anything I did...I was salutatorian of my 8th grade class and was told that if I was not so lazy I should have been the valedictorian...and of course my speech was not good enough...well it goes on...and maybe another night/morning I will go on......unless of course this much has bored you all.....and then I shall return to being silent
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Post by Alexandrea on Oct 28, 2005 11:12:54 GMT -5
Hun, do not think that there is anything that you cannot say on these boards. No one here will judge you or criticize you, and if they do I will send them a swift kick to the rear alrighty? Anyway, I am so sorry to hear about your childhood, that is horrible, to be so creative and artistic and to have all of that stiffled by family...it is horrible, it really is. *hugs* I wish there was somehting I could say that could help. All I know is that you have to better then what they give you credit for, I mean, all the people here are absolutely wonderful and I imagined one of them invited you here, so you cannot be as horrible a person as they made you feel you are. ^_^
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Oct 29, 2005 0:04:50 GMT -5
i used to try to RP to keep the creativity alive....but i am finding that i am not good at that since i do not play the type of characters that are exciting enough for anyone else and i am constantly ignored*shrugs* after all these years i should be used to it and it should stop hurting...lately i find i am too tired to even try anymore..after all it is just one more thing that i have to beg people for....
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Post by Gibby on Oct 29, 2005 2:51:45 GMT -5
...i wouldn't let that stop you form RPing,...unless you don't enjoy RPing anymore....if you are having trouble playing characters that are unlike you, then play a character that is like you....but no one would have to know that that is how you really are....thats what's so great about RPing....you can act how you want to,....just like you normally are, or try something different....I only RP really at EC, and there are days when I go in there, and people don't really say hi to me......or they do,...but nothing really past that....just because people aren't talking to you, isn't a reason to give up on it.....unless it doesn't make you happy.....because why do something if it doesn';t make you happy?? I don;t know if that helps any.....but try not to let it get to you....~smiles and big huggles~
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Oct 29, 2005 3:04:21 GMT -5
it's not fun when I have to practically beg someone to go in character and RP.....I settled for RPing with my ex-who in many ways was abusive to me and I was just so glad that someone seemed to notice me I was truly tempted to ask for another chance with him.....
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Post by Gibby on Oct 29, 2005 3:10:08 GMT -5
....well,...if he was abusive towards you....don't go back to him!!!.....but that's another issue.....
.....i'll RP with you pixie.....don't be sad....
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Oct 29, 2005 3:14:14 GMT -5
I am no longer sure I know how to be happy...I am so lost in the darkness surrounding me and so tired of trying to find my way out....
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Post by Gibby on Oct 29, 2005 3:26:55 GMT -5
...Pix....don't give up, hun.....I'll help ya figure out how to be happy......
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Oct 29, 2005 3:41:39 GMT -5
*nods shyly*the fact that I am here.....and never succeeded in the two suicide attempts in my life means I am not quite ready to give up...
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Post by Gibby on Oct 29, 2005 11:12:35 GMT -5
~smiles~ well, I'm glad you are still here....let's keep it that way.
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Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 7, 2005 21:49:16 GMT -5
You know I have always adored you Pixie. *snugs* I've always told you that you never have to beg with me. I'll rp with you any time of the week. *smiles* I'm glad your around and here with us. And if anyone here judges what you say, I'll join Alex in giving them a swift kick in the rear. *nods*
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Nov 8, 2005 1:46:58 GMT -5
I am so tired of people "adoring" me and yet never speaking to me until I am in tears and begging.....last night I sat in ec and watched people that came in after I did be fussed over as if they were the greatest things and they had not even said hello-and some of those people I know to be quite cruel to others...now I am far from perfect but I truly try to be polite and nice and I say hello and am ignored.....*shrugs* I get more people that will say good bye to me then ever say hello making me feel as if everyone is glad to see me leave
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Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 8, 2005 2:11:26 GMT -5
I don't say hi because I'm afriad you'll get mad at me. Cause I'm OOC alot with all the stuff I'm doing. Last time I said hi OOC you got mad cause you said you were there to rp, not be OOC. I'm sorry if I'm cruel, you know I would never mean to be. I'm really sorry.
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Nov 8, 2005 2:31:27 GMT -5
it is not just you-but then say hi on messenger or in a whisper*shrugs*the point is people that are nasty to others seem to be the ones that get the adoration when those that just want a simple hello are pushed aside-most likely because we are too boring for everyone..I don't know the answer anymore-I just know I want the pain to stop.....and I will never understand why so many people go to RP sites to sit ooc
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Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 8, 2005 3:21:49 GMT -5
I'm really sorry hun. I really am. I always do my best to answer whispers, but I don't always see them. My browser tends to not like me sometimes. I'm here though, you know that. If I don't answer an IM right away, I'm probably out having a smoke. lol I will answer the instant I get back though. I'm always here if you need me.
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Nov 8, 2005 3:37:09 GMT -5
*nods slightly* my messengers are on almost all night long-but I no longer reach out to people-I am tired if not getting answers-if you wish to talk then you need to contact me*shrugs* it's not like there are many others clamoring to talk to me......
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Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 8, 2005 3:52:47 GMT -5
I do the best I can hun. I know it isn't much. I try though and I'll do my best to talk to you more often. I hadn't ment to hurt you by not IMing you often. I don't IM anyone really anymore. Almost always, unless I need to talk to someone about something, they IM me. I don't know if that makes me a bad person. *shrugs* I've never had a high opinion of myself. I am sorry though. *nods*
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Post by Pixie on Nov 8, 2005 11:06:15 GMT -5
I do not think you are a bad person*sighs and curls up as she realises that once again she hurt someone by being honest about her confused feelings*
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Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 8, 2005 12:56:32 GMT -5
Oh hun. *snugs Pixie* You're fine. I'm not hurt at all. *smiles* I'm just tryint to let you know I'm here for you if you need me. Being a friend the best way I can be.
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