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Oct 24, 2005 19:17:31 GMT -5
Post by Razorwire touch on Oct 24, 2005 19:17:31 GMT -5
Not sure where to put this, but figured I'd put it here, could have put it in my journal, but thought it might promote a little idle conversation if posted here. I was gone over the weekend, went to a friends for a party, Phil (my best friend, known him all my life) and his gf Frances arranged the party cause Frances' sister Julie and her mother are going back to Scotland soon, and they doubled it up as an early halloween party cause it was more convenient as most of us don't have a throwaway income. It was a fancy dress party, for which I had no outfit for various reasons, luckily Phil gave me a wolfman mask so I had something to wear (though it didn't really matter anyway, as most of the guys didnt wear an outfit anyway, except for Ian who turned up as an uber ninja, and Dom who turned up as the most convincing rabbi ever) Anyways, after I got to Phil and Frances' house courtesy of Ian giving me a lift it kind of went largely uneventful, spoke to a few people a little, then pretty much did nothing but drink as people got real drunk and stoned around me, didn't really speak to Phil for the whole night, spoke to Ian more. "Why write all this out?" I hear you cry? Well, in short, I wanted to give a little insight into my life, and it made me realise that while Phil is still my friend, he has largely moved on and my part in his life is now optional.....I phone him often and rarely get calls from him (its too far to travel to see him without a car, which i do not own) and I guess I'm feeling really retrospective lately, anyone else hit that point in your life where you realise that life is going to leave you behind wether you like it or not? That humbling feeling that no matter what you plan, it can and likely will be crushed under the ever spinning wheel of time, making you re-plan and pick up the pieces? The irony hasn't escaped me yet
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Oct 24, 2005 23:00:31 GMT -5
Post by Gibby on Oct 24, 2005 23:00:31 GMT -5
Adam, here is my little idle conversation and advice for you. Just becuase you don't talk to Phil very often, doesn't mean that you still aren't good friends, or can't be good friends. My best friend that I have known forever,....my Phil, if you will,.....moved home from Michigan probably about 6 months ago....The last time that I saw her,....now that I think about it, was probably this time last year, because I don't think that I saw her when she came home. And I haven't really called her, or she didn't call me.....so we didn't really talk often, or even for months at all. Our lives grew busy and hectic.....and apart? And it wasn't like I didn't have time to talk to friends, because I did, I talked to my college friends (we went to different colleges) fairly often. But whenever we do talk, it's like we never left off or stopped talking. Still best friends. All it ever took was a good conversation and we were all caught up.
Now maybe this is a girls' thing, I don't know. But why does it have to be like that, out of sight, out of mind? Or why as we grow older, do we have to grow apart? And I know that I won't be able to talk to her for a long time again. She joined the Marines and shipped out 2 weeks ago. But I know that when she comes home, we'll have a good conversation, and pick up right where we left off.
Life is going to keep moving around us whether we like it or not. It makes me think of this quote from Will Rogers: "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there". So if life is going to keep moving and changing, then you might as well move with it. Also, the thing is, is that I am a huge planner. I like everything in order and on schedule. I have to learn to roll with the punches more, and to go with the flow. Which makes me think of this other quote: "We make plans, God laughs". (Let me throw a disclaimer in here, because I don't want anyone coming back to me on this one....Yes, I believe in God,....and you can interpret this how ever you want to, apply it to your own God, or if you do not believe in God, I'm sorry....just ignore it then. ) Because it's true. No matter how much you plan, what ever is going to happen, will happen.
Sorry that this is such a long and rambly reply. I probably should have just started my own thread.
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Oct 25, 2005 12:34:52 GMT -5
Post by Razorwire touch on Oct 25, 2005 12:34:52 GMT -5
First off, thanks for replying, wasn't expecting too much there, certainly not a lengthy post ~s~
I know what you are saying, I agree that you just have to move with life, even if you're only being dragged by the coat tail you snagged on it as it passed by, and I have tried to bridge the gap, but every time I see him it's pretty much a blank wall, I can't keep his attention for more than a few moments, and the way we used to pick up conversation just isn't there anymore, despite lots of trying.
I guess I am over critical.....well, I know I am, and horrendously cynical to boot, he has a life he is happy with, he got out from the village we both hate (whereas I am still there ~sigh~) and he has a great partner and they are doing pretty well for themselves....and well, what do I have? I'm certainly not one to be casting stones just cause he has the life he wants........
I dunno, maybe I should be looking a little closer to home for the problem than what I think is the problem elsewhere....
~stops whining~
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Oct 25, 2005 19:19:52 GMT -5
Post by Gibby on Oct 25, 2005 19:19:52 GMT -5
~smiles~ You are welcome for replying. And sorry for the lengthy reply. I didn't really intend for it to be lengthy at all. I just started typing and next thing I knew, the novel was done....~laughs~
Are you upset at the fact that it seems like he has turned his back on you, or that you don't like the life that he has, the one he is happy with?
Why do you think there is a problem somewhere....either elsewhere, or closer to home?
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Oct 25, 2005 19:37:29 GMT -5
Post by Razorwire touch on Oct 25, 2005 19:37:29 GMT -5
I don't mind lengthy posts, gives me something to read rather than something like "sucks to be you"
I dunno really, in answer to all those questions, I want him to be happy of course, I'm not so narrow minded and petty that I can't abide someone elses happiness, especially someone I've known so long, but I guess it's natural to miss something once it's gone.
And as for the last question, that is descending into more complex territory, I have a huge inferiority complex among other things....(man, brutal honesty is called that for a reason..) and anything that can be my fault or wrong with me likely is, I am the scapegoat overlord heh
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Oct 25, 2005 22:01:41 GMT -5
Post by Gibby on Oct 25, 2005 22:01:41 GMT -5
I'm sorry if you felt my post was a "sucks to be you" rant, because it wasn't intended that way at all. Everyone feels like that at some point.
And that makes sense to miss something that is gone, expecially someone who was close to you. I ddin't mean to imply that you were narrow minded or petty. I was just wondering if perhaps you weren't happy with his choices, because I have a close friend who is making choices for herself that I don't agree with and I am not happy with, even though she says it makes her happy. So I was just wondienrg if it was a smiliar situation. ~shrugs~
I didn't mean to delve into the inner workings of you. ~light laugh~ I promise. And I'm not sure if I should be descending into that more complex territory.....unless that is, you want to talk about it. It's your call.
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Oct 26, 2005 12:52:02 GMT -5
Post by Razorwire touch on Oct 26, 2005 12:52:02 GMT -5
~chuckles a little~
I think I may have been a little misleading in my writing style, when I put anything down I'm not directly accusing you of it, I just tend to say what I think and its not always as relevant as it could be, I know you aren't posting with the intention of being offensive or labelling, I guess I just go off on a tangent too much, its not often I say that much on how I think or feel in any great detail, but as I joined comrade Slys board I figured I'd give it a go, it's hard work though, thanks for sticking around to reply ~smiles some~
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Oct 26, 2005 15:01:45 GMT -5
Post by PandieCandii on Oct 26, 2005 15:01:45 GMT -5
~*~this reply has been deleated by Candii-Lynn~*~
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Oct 26, 2005 22:21:07 GMT -5
Post by Alexandrea on Oct 26, 2005 22:21:07 GMT -5
*points up to the post above her* Yeah, I agree with her. I mean, I am going through similiar things right now. Becky, Shawnda, Brittany, Sara, all of these people were my bestes friends up until my senior year (they all graduated a year before me). I was devastated at the end of my junior year and a good part of my senior year. Some of them blamed me for not keeping touch, some I blamed, and some just...well we just stopped talking. The thing is, I allowed myself to be heartbroken over the whole ordeal when the thing is I should of just let happen what happens.
Someone once told me that friends are here for a reason, however long they are here they were here to make us who we are today (which makes me think of a great song from wicked, "For Good").
So now that i feel like I am rambling, I will leave it at that. If it makes since then so be it...if not then I ma sorry.
~The Birdwing Butterfly~
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Oct 27, 2005 1:31:09 GMT -5
Post by Gibby on Oct 27, 2005 1:31:09 GMT -5
Adam, I understand what you are saying, and now where you are coming from, so I will keep that in mind when I read your posts. ~smiles~
Now, I'm not saying that you should sugar coat your friendships and pretend like there aren't any problems. I do agree with you tearlesseyes, that regardless of how close you are to a friend at any stage in your life, they are still your friend. But I also think that if they are a good enough friend, why are you settling for them just being acquaintances?
Alexandrea, when I read the post by tearlesseyes, I was thinking that same exact thing, about the song "For Good" from Wicked.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.....So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have re-written mine by being my friend."
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Pixie
Starbound Butterfly
faith and trust and pixie dust
Posts: 335
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Oct 27, 2005 1:54:01 GMT -5
Post by Pixie on Oct 27, 2005 1:54:01 GMT -5
Adam I wish I had answers from you.....but lately I feel like I am an outsider and an intruder in almost everyone's life...a year ago when I turned 40 my sister was going to throw me a party I declined mostly because there truly is no one to invite....I go to work-I come home and get online and talk to people that I most likely will never meet and feel like I bother them as well no matter what they say to me.......I just withdraw more and more...and soon I may be just as invisible as I appear to be online lately....I....I wish I could help-I wish I felt like a better friend and had words that might make you feel better......I am sorry I am failing you..*curls up in tears*
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~*CD*~
Monarch Butterfly
Posts: 13
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Oct 27, 2005 9:28:47 GMT -5
Post by ~*CD*~ on Oct 27, 2005 9:28:47 GMT -5
Adam, I know how it feels to have friends move on, and to stay where you are. I live in a very small town, and once you are done with highschool, then Bam, you are gone from this one horse town, off to bigger and better things so to speak. I sometimes feel as if I will never leave, that I am stuck here, almost as if I am in a little bubble, and am watching the world move on without me...I wish so badly to burst through this bubble, but nothing I can say or do at this point in my life seems to help. I watch as people move on, get married, have children...And all but forget me, but they know deep down inside that if they were to ever need me, that I would always be there for him...I guess I just wish that they would look at me the same way...
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Oct 27, 2005 14:55:13 GMT -5
Post by Razorwire touch on Oct 27, 2005 14:55:13 GMT -5
"....And all but forget me, but they know deep down inside that if they were to ever need me, that I would always be there for him...I guess I just wish that they would look at me the same way... " That pretty much sums up the conversation I think , I can't think of anything relevant to type right now but I wanted to say thanks for all the replies ~ish validated~
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Nov 8, 2005 4:44:00 GMT -5
Post by Serena Serenity on Nov 8, 2005 4:44:00 GMT -5
*laughs softly, shaking her head* Wow...... lots of talking. *reads a really long post from tearless and is squished* Yeah, I don't write that much really, unless I'm ranting. *nods* I don't rant very often, so yeah. lol
Though I said this somewhere else, I'll say it again. My best friend Nick and I barely talk at all. He lives in Texas and I live in Nevada. He is like one of my all time best friends. *nods* I adore him. Though, when we do talk, it's as if we never stopped. When he came to visit after being gone for a year and a half, it was like he never left. lol
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