PandieCandii

[PandieCandii]

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[PandieCandii]

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[PandieCandii]

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[Gibby]

I know this is your journal,...but I just wanted to tell you that I am addicted to all sorts of quotes, and I LOVE movie quotes,....though there are millions of movies out there that I haven't even seen yet. I have a quote journal of random quotes that I have read that I like...as well as at the end of that, movie quotes that I really like.

I have figured out some of the movie quotes,.,....not nearly all of them....maybe about 10....though many of them sound familiar, but am unable to place what movie they are from. Do you have the list of where they are from? I would be interested in seeing it, if you do.

[PandieCandii]

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[PandieCandii]

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[PandieCandii]

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[Pixie]

*hugs and kisses*and this is why I am so honoured and proud to call you friend.....and I hope some day to be more like you baby....thank you for being a light in my life-I love you

[PandieCandii]

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[Pixie]

honey what I admire most is the same thing that I admire in Jacqui/Athena-you were dealt a very bad hand and yet you manage not only to get up and keep going you do all you can to encourage others not to give up when we are so tired of being hurt-I know you are human love-but it is your courage to go on and do your best to live up to your ideals that I want to emulate

[PandieCandii]

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[Pixie]

and you wonder why I admire and love you so much*hugs tightly*

[Gibby]

~finishes reading your post and huggles~ That is very true. What a great outlook on life. It touched my heart, because I think that everyone can relate to that. Life doesn't always turn out how we plan it. But that doesn't mean that it can't be something great. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Another quote that I enjoy, which hits home to me, bcecause I am a planner is this: " We make plans, God laughs". Everyone needs your outlook. ~grins~You'll do great things, I know you will!!

[CandiiLynn]

Great things?

*rae*

No, no I won't do great things. But the point is, I'll do things.

Thanks, Gibby. I read your post the day you wrote it, but this evening I reflected back on the entries I wrote and two things stood out. The post I wrote about finally being able to let go of a friendship I once thought I had. And the fact that you had the confidence that I would do great things.

Now, when it rains, I don't get upset. I don't run outside to meet the dewdrops.

And when I sink a little further in this not so pleasant world, I don't instantly reach for the easy way out.

Thank you.

[Gibby]

You are most welcome.

Why would you not do great things??? ~smiles and peeks over to you~ I'm sure I see some great things in there.

I'm glad to hear that you don't get upset when it rains or look for the easy way out. ~grins~

I'm always here to listen and give advice.....because I believe in people, in friends.

[PandieCandii]

Feb. 26th, 2006 | 02:49 pm

We always see the bad side of the scoop of an abusive relationship on the news, and I remember always thinking that those girls were crazy to want to still be with someone whom does that to them, but now I can also see what they mean when they say that they love them...

Last night I saw, for the first time ever, a bad side of my old man. Thing's were going well at first, he drank a bottle of whiskey (like usual) then decided he wanted to take me to one of the local bars to shoot pool. I think it was more the fact that I kicked his butt last time, and he wanted a rematch. Claimed he 'let me win.' So we headed over to a bar called Charlies, and we wagered twenty bucks on the game. The first game, he won. I ended up sinking the black ball. He wanted to keep playing and wagered me double or nothing. I agreed. The second game I won. Then it went on like that until we had played five games, he won two I won three.

Finally, after five games of pool, and a pitcher of beer later, we headed out. He stopped at the L.C.B.O. and picked up another bottle of whiskey, and then we headed over to my friend John's place. I wanted to pick up some of my disks for my computer from him. Hadn't intended to stay long at all, but John misplaced afew disks, and wanted to reburn them for me. So I called my old man in, and we settled on the couch to wait.

My old roommates Ashley and Darren were there, and Darren offered my old man a beer. I advised against it since he had already drank an entire bottle of Whiskey and over half a pitcher of beer, and WAS driving, but my old man ignored my recommendation, and Darren gave him a beer against my request.

It wasn't long before John (my friend) and my old man were doing shots of his new bottle of whiskey and washing them down with their beers. This was the beginning of a bad night. It seemed the more they talked, the more my old man would put me down. John treats me really good, and we had become close friends, so when my old man started trash talking me, John didn't seem to take it too well. He told my old man to always treat me right, and my old man shot back that he thought John loved me.

John chalked this comment up to somethinig said during a drunken conversation, and told him that we were just friends. The night progressed with me reminding my old man to watch his foul language infront of the two kids that were there, and hinting that he shouldn't drink too much since he was driving, or else we'd be taking a cab home.

By the time Darren got back to the house (after leaving to pick up John's wife) my old man had all but called me names, threatened to elbow me in the face, and basically run my self-esteem so low to the ground you'd need a jackhammer to retreave it. I had decided since he had never been this way before, it was probably due to the drinking, and had left the livingroom where him and John talked, to meet Darren at the door and inquire about him either giving us both a lift home, or if he'd at least follow in his car to make sure we arrived home safely.

Not even five minutes later, I discovered that my old man had left me there, and stormed out. I had been worried because in total he had one and a half bottles of whiskey, more then half a pitcher of beer, and then three more beers while we were at Johns house. I'm a worry rat, and so instantly went into protective mode. I figured my old man would be coming home, so I pleaded a ride with my friends to get me back to my place. (It's safe to note that throughout the entire night I only had about three glasses of beer, so was not intoxicated enough to be labled drunk.)

When I arrived at home, my old man had not yet been there. The car wasn't in the drive, and his room was still abandoned. So I began pacing the house, awaiting his return. About an hour later, I grew worried and called my old man's grandparents to see if they had seen or heard from him. They hadn't. His grandmother reminded me that his parent's were out of town and he had the key to their house, so he might be there. She gave me directions and made me promise to call and let them know if he was there.

I tried to get my old roommate Darren to give me a ride out there, but he didn't like my old man after the way he treated me, and so wouldn't give me the ride. I resulted to calling him at his mothers house hoping he'd pick up the phone. I was so mad and hurt by his actions last night, yet the important part was making sure he was safe. He picked up the phone and started yelling at me. I was initally called a witch with a capital B, sworn never to call his family again, and told to go to hell.

I hung up the phone that night, even more hurt, but still releifed that he was okay and safe. Afew moments after we disconnected the phone, my cellphone rang. It was a girl I had never met before. Apparently my old man gave her my cellphone number, and she called to tell me that if I messed with him, she'd kill me. There were, of course, afew choiced cusswords enclosed in this message, before she disconnected not waiting for a response from me. Probably a good thing, since that pushed me over the edge.

I was told by friends to give him the night to calm down, and sober up, and so when he arrived back at our place and holed himself up in his bedroom, I left him alone. This morning, when he finally came out, he was heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth and encountered me in the kitchen cleaning up. He sat down on the kitchen chair and said something to me. Now, I have no clue what he said because I was more angry then hurt by then, and choose to ignore him.

But later on that afternoon he apologized for calling me a b*tch, and said that he only said that because he was really mad. He claimed that he stormed out of John's house when he 'saw' John had his hands all over me, and that he could have sworn we were kissing or something. I might have misunderstood the kissing part, but I know that he think's John had his hands all over me.

The thing is, John wasn't even in the kitchen when I was talking to Ashley, John's wife and D about getting an alternate ride home for us. The only time John or D for that matter touched me at all was when I gave them a hug. (Perhaps this was my error. I'm the affectionate type and so hugging my friends didn't seem like a big deal to me.) My old man has convinced himself that he saw something that didn't happen, and I can't seem to convince him otherwise.

The thing is, even though last night was hell, I know that I still love him. Darren's girlfriend Ashley told me that I should call thing's off with him, but I know that I don't want to. It's not like he's like this all the time. It was a one time occurance, that I'm sure won't happen again. He just had too much to drink and read some thing's wrong, is all. I do love him with all my heart, and if you love someone, you stick with them for better or worse. That just happened to have been a 'worse' moment.

I may love him, but I don't have to like him right now... With time, I may forgive him, but I don't know if I'll ever forget it. The damage he did to my pride doesn't even compare to the damage my heart took. I know that everyone is thinking I'm a fool to fall in love with someone like him, but I don't think you can understand it. I myself know Im a fool, but I can't do anything about it. I love who I love, and I'm not going to let one drunken night take away every good moment we ever had/have together.

The question is, is he?
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[PandieCandii]

Mar. 7th, 2006 | 10:54 pm

Let us see here.. What has happened since the last time I posted. I think too much, so let's just cover the last couple of days.

Last night I had a male friend come over after work. Nothing out of the ordinary there, since hanging out with friends used to be a normal thing for me. Turns out Ryan didn't see it that way. The roommate got drunk and started another uproar.

My friend, other roommate and i were all in the livingroom watching television, when Ryan appeared from his bedroom. He had been drinking, took one look at my male friend (whom he was really nice and friendly too earlier on that evening) and told him "dont be falling asleep at my house, bro." My friend just smiled, thinking Ryan was just teasing him, since it was clearn he had no intention of falling asleep, having been sitting up watching the movie and laughing with the rest of us. My roommate Ryan repeated his comment then suddenly went crazy and laid a punch to my friends face. My friend automatically went into a fetal position and used his arms to cover his face to ward off any other fists aimed there, when Ryan proceeded with another shot to his face. By then I was yelling at Ryan to knock it off and go back to his room, using my own hands the best I could to cover my friends face. Ryan let one more punch go for my friends face, which was blocked by my hand, then returned to his room.

My landlord and his wife seem to think it was because Ryan was jealous. I don't see it, since Ryan made it clear as day nermourious times that he didn't want to date me exclusively. Now my friends got a small puffyness around his one eye and a scratch on his cheek, and I've got one pretty brused finger. Apparently, I cant have male friends, because Ryan get's jealous though he says he doesnt. And yet he can have as many girlfriends as he so chooses.

Because of this event and the last one that involved my other male friends, I decided perhaps it wasn't best to have Chris come down for my birthday, and so called and uninvited him. I've also cancelled plans with afew other male friends in fear Ryan'll go crazy on them too.

This morning Pickles my iguana died. He hadn't been looking too well last night, and I had to actually force him to eat from my hand by shoving (gently of course) chopped up carrots into his mouth. This mornign he refused to eat anything, and in fact wouldn't even drink the water dropplets off his nose that I would put there. About five pm tonight he passed away in my lap. Kinda sad, really, because he's the only thing in my life that never seemed to change over the past year.

My landlord and his wife were really nice about it. They helped me clean out his cage and pack him into a box which we intend to bury in the backyard tomorrow after it rains.

I also heard back from my mother today about how my grandfather is doing. Turns out he's well enough where they're sending him back to his hometown where the majority of our family lives. He'll still have to stay in the hosptial for awhile for theripy, but at least he'll be closer to everyone. The bad thing is, he's gone alittle bit crazy. He seems to think that he's Bruce Lee... No lie. I haven't personally saw him since he left for a bigger town two hours away via emerg transportation, but my mom spent the weekend up there and was quick to inform me he's different now... Of all the people my granddaddy can choose to believe to be, why's it gotta be Bruce Lee?

*shudders*

After taking care of Pickles, and doing my best not to get emotional infront of everyone, Ryan had another surprise for me. This evening he invited some girl over. Big whoop. I didn't seem to care in the least, and that's weird since a week ago I had such strong feelings for him. But when he get's her to come out of his room wearing his sweatpants, it's kinda hard not to laugh. I didn't even notice it actually. My Landlord's wife told me. She's all... 'did you just see that?! He brought her out here in his sweatpants... like it'd make you jealous.' Then she also went on to tell me when she knocked on his door earlier to ask him something, he must have thought it was me because he said 'come in' then the second she called his name through the closed door to identify herself, he started scuffling around in his room. She think's he wanted me to walk in with the two of them on the bed all lovey dovey, but the second he realized it was her and not me, he was quick to scamper outta the bed.

It's weird. I didn't even notice he had company, and if I did it didn't seem to register. Like I didn't even care. But my landlord's wife caught on quick and chalked it up to him trying to make me jealous because he's got another girl here to get laid by.

The thing is, I can't seem to care. He can sleep with anyone he wants, because he sure as heck isn't getting it from me. But what I don't think is fair is that he can have any girl here he wants, but I can't even have a male friend here, one whom I have no romatic interest in whatsoever. Talk about an unfair world.

Let's see... What else has happened since I last posted here... Nope, nothing that's really worth mentioning.

To sum it all up..

I've stopped hanging out with all male friends, and in fact limited talking to them online too.

I've got a pretty brused finger...

I'm officially single, and it looks like it's best to remain that way.

My baby Pickles has now passed on to the world of the dead.

My granddaddy thinks he's Bruce Lee.

But on the good side, I've made a good friend with the Landlord's wife, and am doing better now that I have at least ONE girl in this house to talk to.

Guess that's all for now... Don't see myself online much for awhile. After all, I've been using Ryan's computer because I haven't been able to afford a hub to get my own computer hooked up to the internet here. But no worries... Thing's can't get any worse. But I'm confident they'll get better... After all, if it's not okay, it's not the end.. Or something like that...

Take care folks.